ALIEN!!
	  
[The following is an article which appeared in aus.tv, posted by 
Mike Boelter (nerakkpb@earthlink.net).] 

      My favorite comeuppance was when I went to see 'Alien' 
(Yes the first one and I am that old.) I had read the Allen Dean 
Foster script adaptation so I knew in the broad outline what was 
going to be happening. Not that it did a whole lot of good with 
Ridley Scott, man but he can shoot a movie and get all those little
details in there.

    I mean during the opening of the movie, the crew is in 
hibernation and the camera pans about the ship. On the Flight deck 
before the Captains Console in the space between keyboard and screen, 
where company regs just have to forbid its prescence, is a coffee 
cup. People are people in all of space and time, but I digress.

    Theater is crowded, two seats in front of me are vacant and 
15 - 20 minutes into the flick two blonde airheads come in and sit 
down in front of me. Jabber, jabber, jabber - Oh my what is 
happening now? - jabber, jabber, jabber. (If you shut up and watched 
the movie, you'd know what is going on and why I think to myself.)

    Movie progresses, jabber, jabber, jabber. The Facehugger is off 
the guys face and the crew are searching the ship for it. Ripley is 
checking out the Sick Bay (and I know the damn thing lands on her.) 
I lean forward and as the face hugger falls on Ripley's right 
shoulder I grab each of the girls before me by the same shoulder and 
hiss to them to "Shut the F*** up!" The sound of this is drowned out 
by the screams in the theater as the Face Hugger lands on Ripley.

    The two airheads are sitting in front of me totally stiff and 
rigid not moving, not talking. About five minutes go by and one 
leans to the others ear, wishpers and they get up and leave. I give 
a sigh of relief.

    A few minutes later two pepople come down the aisle and 
discover two empty seats. They move in front of me and go to sit  
down and one of them touches the seat behind them. "Oh we can't 
sit here. Someone must have spilled a Coke on the seat earlier today." 
It was all I coud do to keep from busting up as I realized what 
must have happened.

	  
	  
 "Good luck Mr. Gorsky"
	  

A true story...

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon,
he not only gave his famous "one small step for man, one giant leap
for mankind" statement but followed it by several remarks, usual com
traffic between him, the other astronauts and Mission Control.  Just
before he re-entered the lander, however, he made the enigmatic remark
"Good luck Mr. Gorsky."

Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some
rival Soviet Cosmonaut.  However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky
in either the Russian or American space programs. Over the years many
people questioned Armstrong as to what the "Good luck Mr. Gorsky"
statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled.

Just last year, (on July 5, 1995 in Tampa Bay FL) while answering
questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26 year old
question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded.  Mr. Gorsky had
finally died and so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question.
When he was a kid, he was playing baseball with a friend in the
backyard. His friend hit a fly ball which landed in the front of his
neighbor's bedroom windows. His neighbors were Mr. & Mrs. Gorsky.   As
he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky
shouting at Mr. Gorsky. "Oral sex!  You want oral sex?!  You'll get
oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"

True story.



Rid
--
Midnight Fox
Garfield .oO( I feel great today! I feel like curing a major disease,
              writing a best-selling book and stopping poverty )
         .oO( LOOK OUT, WORLD! HERE COMES GARFIELD! )
     Jon: "Is there anything you need, Garfield?"
Garfield .oO( Yes... I need you to stop me )

	  
	  
 Embarrasing moments
	  
-Heres a story that a lady wrote about in New Woman Magazine.  
Apparently she won their Most Embarrassing Moments Contest.-


"While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to 
release some pent-up energy and ran amok.  I was finally able to 
grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance 
from other patrons.  I told her that if she did not start behaving
right now, she would be punished.

To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma
that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"  The silence 
was deafening after this enlightening exchange.  Even the tellers 
stopped what they were doing!

I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank 
with my daughter in tow.  The last thing I heard when the dooor 
closed behind me were screams of laughter.

Amy Richardson: Stafford, Virginia



    One of the funniest "most-embarrassing-moment" stories I've 
come upon in a long time was about a lady who picked up several 
items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker,
she learned that one of her items had no price tag.  Imagine her 
embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out 
for all the store to hear: "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, 
SUPERSIZE."  That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the 
store apparently misunderstood the word "tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." 
In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom:
"DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU
POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"